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To truly know yourself is the most important skill you can ever possess. When you know and the bad. Be quiet and discover your true self.
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The truth is, we never really know ourselves as well as we think we do. It can be a scary thought at any age.

Discovering Yourself

It sure was for me, still is, and will be for a very long time. Twenty-one is not much of an older age, but it's the age where questioning is at its prime.

It is the age when most people finish college or finally settle down in their lives. Most people The "not all"s are those who still haven't gotten their lives figured out.

Enabling Others By Discovering Yourself

And it's a stressful moment when seeing others around you knowing exactly what they want to do and who they want to be. Chances are, however, that they are all just faking it. No one really has life figured out.


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But why do we lie to ourselves and pretend that we do? I mentioned in a previous article that people tend to fake it until making it. Among us are our peers, mates, strangers who are most likely having an internal conflict as they make their way through this life. We often times wonder about our future and where we are headed.

It is this journey to self-discovery that opens our eyes to a whole new self. Truth is, we have been on this self-discovery journey since a very early age. Influential stimulators in this journey are the people we surround ourselves with and the things we have been exposed to. Life exposed to religion has a huge impact in who many of us become. Suddenly a fear is placed upon us at a very young age, at least for me it was.

There are restrictions of way too many things. Your hair must remain long, no cutting it. Jewelry is unacceptable with exception of wedding rings. Homosexuality is a sin. No sexual encounters or thoughts before marriage. Listening to music outside of the religion is frowned upon. And all at once, with just the very thought of any one of these, a fear takes over my body. God must hate me now. These thoughts followed me into high school. It was an inner battle with myself. We are all only human.

Discover Yourself in Twenty Minutes

Our bodies react in natural human functions with different sex drives, different preferences, and different paces. God, in no way, will be upset at us for doing so. However, the opposite was told in church and I believed that it was the wrong way of living. I closed my mind to what was believed to be wrong. All through high school, I was too honest to friends around me and ultimately shamed them.

If I had to internally live through the shame, then others must, too. After all, judgment is an essential part of my fear.

Discovering Your Authentic Self

But despite my flaws, I had amazing friendships with people that I could be myself with. I allowed myself to be open with my one best friends. However, all of high school you are told to decide what you want to do with your life. At a mere age of 15 we were told that we must have everything figured out. In everyday life different situations call for us to present different facets of ourselves, not false selves but flexible responses to the present situation. If we can be true to our core values, we have a compass to guide us through life, and will never stray far from who we really are.

But first we have to discover those basic values. In some ways it has never been harder to define who we are. Many of the traditional labels have disappeared: we may change employment regularly; marry up or down the social scale; or choose to hold different religious or moral beliefs than our family.

We can be whoever we want to be, and often are encouraged to express this individuality and know which course of action feels right.

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If you feel that you may be living a lie, or find it hard to respond consistently all the time, step back and try to go with the flow. This sort of pressure obscures your vision and a more forgiving attitude may help you understand why you are feeling that way. Always being the same is not only unrealistic, but actually undesirable in a complex, fast-moving world.

During the course of a day, we are likely to mix with a wide range of people. It often is wise to keep some parts of our self hidden. For example, talking too much about our private life with colleagues may come across as over-emotional or even neurotic.


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  • On the other hand, staying in work mode when socializing with friends could seem a little cold and distant. We may tend to exaggerate our serious side at work, our nurturing side at home, and our playful and enthusiastic side with friends, without even noticing. This does not by itself mean our relationships are in any way fake, as these are all true aspects of our self.

    There is a thin line between flexible and fake, and we sometimes feel uncomfortable if we cross it.

    Hiding our true feelings feels false, but the price of expressing them can be high. If the cost is potentially losing friends and a sense of belonging, you will have to be strong to confront your fear. One way to discover a more authentic self is to identify your core values and adapt your life to fit them. For example, if one of your core values is equality, working for a company with the same ethos will make you feel more comfortable.